Friday, 11 June 2010

Lil period, great lessons! Final part!

Done! My exams were good but I had this other remarkable experience that I want to share.
I had this oral examination and the procedure was for us to randomly pick a paper and when the paper was flipped over, whatever section of the body was written there, that would be the part you'd have for your examination. We had to pick three parts and lucky me, all the topics I picked were what I would like to call "Been there, done all that". That is, I knew them so well that there's nothing that could come as a surprise for me.Well, I answered all the questions the teacher threw at me, even though she came up with some questions that I knew usually were not supposed to be. Of course I knew the basics and with that, I used my brain until I carefully arrived at the answer. I'm sure she was surprised at some point. We had this question and answer session for a couple of minutes (just both of us talking). She was asking and I was answering.
She nodded and nodded and finally, she headed towards the table where she had the list to enter the marks.
Gosh What a sigh of relief. It had been a very long day. The exams was for 9am in the morning.
 First we had the written part with 100 questions. Jeez! 100 brain cracking questions! This was my biggest course for the semester, so trust I hadn't  known sleep for quite some time and especially the day before, I  only had 4 hours of sleep.
  What a day, I thought! I looked up at the clock, It was a few minutes to 5 in the evening. I felt every thing come, the fatigue, the hunger, the headache, the stress. I couldn't wait to get out and rest my poor head.
While I was busy trying to push to make sure that I passed, I didn't feel any of those, now my mind couldn't think of any other thing apart from rest.
She got to the table, setttled into a seat, reached for the list and a pen, but just then she raised up her head and asked me yet another question.
Not anymore, I almost screamed out. Maybe she saw the frustration on my face or maybe because I didn't answer the question immediately like I did before, so she said "And that's your last"
I started very cooly and slowly and before I could get midway, she told me I was wrong! No I'm not, I almost screamed out but I managed not to, instead I just stopped talking.  I stopped thinking and just waited there for the next thing she'd say.
Of course she can't fail me, I had the highest score in the written part, and I answered  all the main questions in the oral part. I mean I answered harder and more complicated stuffs. It was like asking "spell 'apple'?" and I did correctly, this was now more like "Does apple start with letter 'A'?" The question she asked me, I had answered it indirectly one too many times whilst trying to answer the previous questions. It didn't seem a problem then, why suddenly was it? Maybe she just didn't want to give me the '5' so she had to look for something somehow, perhaps she didn't hope that I'd make it that far.
The first person before me had a '5' with so many mistakes through out his question and answer session, besides he didn't do as good as I did on the written part. Assessing from that, I should get even more than a '5'. As a matter of fact, I didn't want to talk anymore, I didn't want to argue with her, It had been a long day for both of us. I didn't want to think anymore, I just wanted to end it and go home.
I was too sure it would be a '5' either way until she looked up and told me it was a '4'.
Pheww! Thank God I'm so done! I told myself and left.
I got home, ate, had a refreshing shower, slept and woke up to start preparing for my next exams. I couldn't concentrate, I started searching my mind the whole time "How exactly could that not be the correct answer?" I still couldn't think of anything else. I kept reminiscing on how hard I worked the past few days just to get a '5' in that course. I tried to forget it and concentrate on my next course but my head kept picturing the lecture slides and my textbooks and I kept remembering how sure I was about that answer.
Okay I decided to open my books and cross check, maybe I was wrong afterall.
Gosh! I was so right! Now everything came back to me. Gosh! I deserved a '5'. Even if I had missed that last question, I still deserved a '5'. Why did I even stop thinking? Why didn't I argue it with her? Why did I even let go of the energy I started with?  Why did she do that? The latter question was the question I hated to try to find the answers to the most. This was not something one should be confused about, so I'm sure she wasn't.
 I kept asking myself series of questions. I kept imagining what a '5' in that course would have done for my GPA level. Its all I've always wanted, that was the reason for the numerous sleepless nights in the first place. Trying to make sure that I was well acquainted with everything. Why did I suddenly settle for a '4' just at the nick of time? I brooded over this so much I couldn't get over it on time to start studying for my next paper.
After a while, I understood this could be very hurtful but I tried to look at the bright side of it. Take the lessons from it and just let it go, I told myself.
It was a great inspiration for me (so I like to think), so I  thought I'd share the lessons too.
Firstly, I told myself "Never ever lose your confidence. Hold unto it as much as you can.
No matter how pressurizing a situation maybe, never let the tension get you to a point where you stop thinking with your brain. Not with your emotions, not by the circumstances, not with your heart, but with your head".
If I hadn't stopped thinking, I would have reassured myself a thousand times and argued it with her, until we both understood ourselves perfectly. I would have remembered why I needed to press on for a few more minutes.
The last but very important one is: "If you are not there yet, then keep pressing until you are there". Even if everything shows that you will get there, never relax until you actually make it there. Seeing the 'finish line' doesn't mean you are 'there', getting 'there' is what matters.
In other words, "its not over until its actually over". Never assume that it is even when everything assures you that it will be, until it is.
Aim for the sky, reach out for the sky and do not relent until you actually touch the sky.

Best wishes in all your endeavors!

I'm off, gotta go get me some good holiday :)

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