Monday, 12 September 2011

Twitter Rave

A while ago, last year precisely, I finally made the decision to hop on a certain networking site called TWITTER.

The main reason I decided to join twitter was because I liked how you could write a thousand jargon stuff in a day without people thinking you were mad. Ok there was no room for 'likes' and comments; people having something to say and all, that you just had to reply to so you don't come off as rude. Well there are mentions, but it's not in your face like that. If I deem it fit to answer, I do and when I feel like someone is just trying to waste my time, I simply ignore it. #bliss
So basically at a point, I got a little bit inclined. It was almost like a nice good journal. #vain

If I was looking for my phone, and I didn't see it, I'll just hop on twitter and vent it out first before setting out to look for it. It was fun reading tweets from friends and knowing that they read mine too.
You want any kind of  'awkardness'? you can find it with no limitations. I mean really! Sigh!
And then I just realized that everything good must have a few setbacks.
And one day it happened, total strangers started following me. What? Were people stalking me? No on twitter it is totally okay for anyone from God knows wherever to click on your page and start following you.
"Calm down girl, welcome to twitter" I told myself. And now I'm very used to it.
And then I went about the usual me. I'm not one that puts out sensitive details about my private life in the open though, so there's really nothing to worry about.

And again it happened, I had put up my "now playing" as usual. And one day, one joker had the effrontery to tell me that nobody really cared about what I was playing. Sweetheart, check again, you're the one that decided to click the 'follow tab' SMH.
Well, this is the good thing about twitter, you don't have to reply, they can like to manage their boredom on their own sometimes.

And then you get to deal with certain friends that wake up and blab trash from morning till night, just because they know they can blab on twitter. #annoying sort
 In such situations, I miss facebook, cos all I need to do is to click on 'hide posts' without having to remove them from my friends' list. Sweetheart I don't hate you, I just hate your posts. Now pay attention, I said "friends". It means people that are important and it matters to me if they'd feel bad when they realize that I was no longer following them. I mean there are certain friends that if they didn't bother to follow me when I followed them, I'd feel bad myself. It'd just kinda feel like I wasn't important to them. I mean just imagine me catching an old school buddy on twitter and I immediately followed him, hoping we could catch up a little bit. And then the sad hilarity, he sends me a DM, (direct message) "Thank you for following me, long time". You know I just read the message as "welcome my new fan".
I realized I couldn't even send him a DM myself because he wasn't following me. SMH!
It could be annoying, I know. No it's not like people that will decide to follow a complete stranger and then start getting mad that he/she is not following them back. You're just on a long thing! You have a reason for following them innit? If they find a reason to follow you, they will.
Anyway, I've come to realize that for some it's like a throne. #twitter throne hahahaha
Hmm peeps calm down o, there is no award on that time waster sha.

Now this brings me to the story of a certain man. His first name starts with a big R. Please I don't like trouble o! You see this man's followers are the best people to be used to describe the word "followership". I do not want to push any of them, you'd never know how far they can go :)
Anywayz, as I was saying, he doesn't follow anyone but he has millions of followers. I'm like don't you have a wife, family, anything, someone you just know you should try to keep in touch with? No! he doesn't, I mean none whatsoever.
And yet his followers will never let you rest. Whether you follow him or not, his tweets will always get to you.
They are supposed to be words of wisdom but believe me when I say it's pure comedy.
Here's an example - "WTF?! - "Where's the faith?!" Jeez smh again!
His followers will retweet every and anything he posts no matter how cliched the phrase is. To them it's the greatest wise saying they've ever heard. He'll write, "tick tick says the clock tick tick" And you'll see 200  Rts (retweets). Bad if you follow 10 of them, that's just a guaranteed bad day no doubt.

As if things cannot get anymore interesting on twitter, you see celebs that pay for a publicist to speak for them but they still feel like they are not getting enough words out. To make everything easy and even, they hop on twitter. Yea Mr spokesperson, take the floor in real life, while I dole out the nitty gritty details on twitter.
Please how conceited can one be to actually see the need to gush out these kind of words?
Do not compare me with anybody because it will take years before any of these so called colleagues will get to my level.
I'm the Beyonce of Africa, the rest are just like Kelly Rowland or maybe Ciara.
I'm the richest. I don't need fans, they just come anyway, they have no choice.
Ohmydayz! Did you fire your publicist before embarking on this? Because that's a lot of damage you've left for him/her to try to repair.
And the ever 'loyal' fans will retweet and reply "we love you" #Sigh!
Wtf?! And no, I don't mean 'where's the faith', I actually mean WHAT THE FUDGE?! :)

On a brighter note, you get to learn new 'supposed to be cool' words...
E.g "I'm just dripping in swag for dayzzzzzzzzzz".
You have to accentuate the 'z' for it to make sense. LOL
There are plenty ways to use this word, as long as you drag the 'z'.
And if you want to make it phenomenal, just add #boomboompow at the end.
"You make me smile for dayzzzzzzzz #boomboompow"
hehehe hilarity! be continued


  1. Hahahah....Twitter people, I am thinking of joining the bandwagon :)

  2. Aaaaaaaaahhhh, I am so 'Loling at this'. I am new to the twitter thing o, so I really haven't seen the bad side.
    I went on twitter cos I want to read a wider audience for my upcoming project. I do not want strangers on my facebook, but I cam accommodate them on twitter. For now, I have only few followers and fortunately for me, most of them are blogsville people and they don't follow or retweet people like big R.

  3. lol. funny post!! I havent hopped on the bandwagon yet. Not sure I ever intend to...

  4. @9jafoodie, pls do :)
    @Ilola, yea it's really good for networking. I think ffg a lot of blogsville peeps should be fun.
    @Ginger, lol! It helps sometimes, you know :)

  5. The lady that sent those tweets is that South African chic I guess. Nonhle or something like that. I was also amazed she could write such and still have thousands of followers. She even wrote once that her fans should worship her. I'm like rily?

    anyway, I've been on twitter for a short while now and still only get the cool, calm tweets. nothing extraordinary yet though

  6. seriously??? sounds like those people do not have lives! never really understood the twitter business, i don't think I'll be hoping on that Wagon. sounds like a Wagon full of people suffering from ADD( attention deficit disorder).LOL.

  7. i completely understand you. i have a feeling i dont need to say more than that

  8. ah ah,I'm surprised 9ja foodie and ginger are not on twitter,well,I love twitter and I love the block button,just write BS and sweetie,I dont waste time,I block you,If I ff you and after 2 days of my saying ff back,you dont,I unfollow sharpenly,dont get me wrong,I have loadzzz of fun on twitter,sometimes I just sit and read tweets and laugh,I have lots of mentions I dont reply some coz some are rubbish,dms let's not go there,oomf even asked for a sex chat(unfollow sharp),BB pin nko???? but twitter has kinda kept me updated on loadzzz of things and then celebs,huh,I follow one and guess what he is following me too and actaaully replies my tweets,even his brother is following me too and confession timeee,WE SKYPE,and he likes me and I'm like,wow,If I quit twitter now,I wouldnt regret it,I dont care about what people tweet,it's twitter after all,but I know I've helped some people to become cooler and tweet better through just one reply :D,no harsh feelings,please if you arent on twitter,just join,gradually,you'll come around,MsJB forgot to mention her sizzling romance with @ItsDiDi thanks to twitter *now dodging knock* haha,abeg all of una join twitter,and don't mind whatever anyone tweets,you learn lotta stuff there,I started out writting,''just woke up,I wanna pee''you dont wana see the replies,now it's def different "just woke up,thank you jesus,love you mum,dad,superman ;) :)" and you need to see the mentions,alright...oh,you didnt even mention some avatar,yuckkk,haha,abeg oh follow me on @Ameikpe,and welcome fans hahaha

  9. @Stelzz, yea you guessed right. That 'worship me' part shocked the hell out of me when I saw it. Mehn! And you won't believe a fan replied "No I don't just worship you, I worship the very ground you walk on". Some serious ish mehn! Sigh!
    @Uduak, C'mon it's not that bad, oh at least not for some LOL
    @Sugar coated, LOL
    @Gretel, I am cracking out. Mehn you are so funny! Isn't Didi just a sweet fella? *Looks around* LOL
    It's not romance o, it's called 'friendship', I guess you mixed up the words :)
    Meanwhile, I think I know this your celeb o, so you skype too? *amebor mode activated* ;)

  10. MsJB,abeggiiiii,just sharrap oh,yes we skype oh *fanning myself* :D and dare you talk,if I know go pinch you for yansh,lol
    where is Didi,dem don deny you.

  11. I need to up my game on twitter sha, I'm seriously dulling. LOL...

  12. hahahahaha....very very funny now i know what pple r actually doing on there as in "#boomboompow " i'm just going to start saying that after every sentence i say since i dont

  13. @Gretel, And why are you so troublesome? -___-Meanwhile, please this your celeb gist, when it clicks, can I be the first to blog about it? 'Cause mehn that's some hot gist o! But I promise, until then my lips are well sealed :)

    @Myne, Thank God we're connected on twitter, wouldn't want to miss the upped game :)

    @Doyin, and there I was hoping that we don't take this to the real world, it's already awkward as it is on twitter Lol

  14. @MsJB your lips had berra remain sealed coz me,I dunno what you talking about oh :D trouble maker abi are you now the new celeb buzz?

  15. LOL this twitter sef, I might join them soon sef, very funny post


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