Thursday, 31 January 2013

She's the boss

Hey lovelies
Today's topic is a concern for a lot of people today. It will always happen, as long as women have an equal chance to succeed in the society. There will always be a woman that is very rich and accomplished. But does this mean that she has stopped being a woman? No in my opinion, I think the woman should always be a woman and this I mean in the home.

As a matter of fact, this 'being a woman thing' that I'm talking about is exclusive to that 'one man'. Don't go about doing "woman, woman weaker vessel" everywhere because I know some men that will rather cough out rubbish than listen to a woman that makes sense just because she is a woman and as far as they are concerned, she should listen while they talk.
However, what I mean by 'being a woman' is far from letting a man humiliate you just because you're more accomplished than he is. When you ever meet a man that is intimidated by who you are, do not forget this statement by one of my favorite authors

“I think it’s very important for people to know that those men who are scared by women who are accomplished are the kind of men accomplished women don’t want. So it’s nobody’s loss.”
                                     — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Brace up, move on and never settle for less. They just do not deserve you, sweetheart.
As you can see, this is a sequel to my post on "traditional roles" so go read that first if you haven't seen it yet.


It's not your fault that they feel intimidated, or is it?
In fact, I heard "The more educated she is, the less likely she can be a wife"
Like if a woman has a Phd, a man with a Bsc will always have this inferiority complex.
Another example is if she happens to be the boss at work and of course, the most common example is when she's richer than the man.
Again, we have to talk about the ego thing in guys, they always want to be incharge but I think in a case like this, both parties have to understand that they have more work to do. You're always going to be faced with this opposition (esp from the society) and it could pose a very big problem if you let it.
You have a couple of options but the choice is always yours as we all know. Use your discretion and choose which one fits you best.

♀
1. Look for a man that is more successful so you don't have to worry about it.
2. Another option, is to deliberately decide to give up everything just so you can come down to his standard.
3. If you choose the option of not running away from who you are, which I highly recommend, then do what you can do and always try not to put it out there like "yea, I'm the one doing this, doing that and you aren't." You both already know don't you?
Let's be realistic, even though you don't feel that way, the thought will creep into his mind once in a while which means you have to make a conscious effort to not make it seem like that. But again, you can't help what goes on his head, right? But at least be sure you played your part not to trigger it.

♂
1. See how you can be more successful if it bothers you
2. Get the right mindset because really, your inferiority complex will always complicate things. It's bad when you see a man that is so intimidated so much that it looks like he's just trying to bring the woman down in any possible way he can just so he can be the boss. Get it right, it begins with working on yourself.
3. Face it, she's richer, she's richer, you can't change it and that's the woman you decided to love, appreciate her instead of frustrating her and  make your tupence count. Check, there is something you can still do with the little you earn that will matter so much to her.
4. And finally, if it bothers you so much, try a woman that is not as rich as you are. At least, there's somewhere where you can be all the boss you want.

Alright people, there you have it Make your choice
They all work really but you just have to choose which one will work for you.
But remember that in relationships, both parties have to work extra hard to make it work because trust me, people will always have something to say, including your friends. And it's even worse when any kind of insecurities are vividly visible, then you need to be even more careful.
One time I over heard some people talking about Beyonce and Jayz. The argument was that Jayz didn't deserve Beyonce. "She's so rich, he's such a bloody gold digger." I heard one of them say. And then another one made her understand that he was extremely rich too.
The boy spent some time to explain to her that Jayz was even richer than she was.
And when she knew that her 'gold digging' speculation was not working, she said anyway the fact is that he is still taking advantage of her.
"How?" The boy asked, and she replied boldly, "Beyonce is very pretty and he's ugly". 
I laugh so hard at how people always have something to say about people's relationships. Just imagine with all that success and it so happened that JayZ was not successful, what do you think would have been the story? 
My point is, you have to understand that people will always have something to say and that is your greatest opposition. You need to be very careful because people will turn something very beautiful into the worst thing ever. They are always looking for a loophole. To solve this, you just have to learn to work as a team and pay deaf ears to people's opinions. It is your relationship and not the world's. Understand yourselves and make a decision to make it work.

Don't take me too seriously tho, you should know this by now
I mean I'm not even married myself :)


Love always
JB

Photocredit:  SOURCE

40 comments:

  1. Don't keep saying you're not married, what does that have to do with the price of fish in the market? LOL...

    You make some good points, and like you pointed out with Beyonce and Jayz, each couple will have to work out what works for them. And I like that Chimamanda's quote :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL I have to put the disclaimer :)

      Delete
  2. Valid points you have made here...if you know you can not handle a more successful lady please find a less successful one...sometimes I think couples would have less problems if they did not settle below their standards in the first instance.

    Chimamanda's quote is one of my favorite quote ever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not sure if I can agree with that
      I think it just depends on the mindset

      Delete
  3. I really really couldn't possibly agree more. Absolutely love Chimamanda's quote, that lady is drenched in genius

    It's very sad that in 2012 (I won't use 2013 because I don't think anyone has accomplished anything considerable in this year yet so let's backdate a bit), in 2012 it's still an issue what a woman has accomplished.

    Eh! In this era of BB10s and iPhone5s? you even have mothers discouraging their daughters from buying big houses and big cars or walking with your head held too high... apparently it 'intimidates' men

    Okokoko (don't bother googling if you don't know what it means) bia if it bothers him he should dokwasi na'ana (pull up a seat?). If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen or better still buy an airconditioner. Ki lo de?

    Whose fault is it that the man didn't attain her heights? Honestly, to state it simply, there is too much chaff walking round the streets in the name of men. If being more accomplished than half of them will eliminate the waste then I MORE THAN WELCOME IT!

    Great post

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL you are one very funny person

      You spoke the truth though, I'm just nodding all through
      Thanks

      Delete
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    1. NR's comments are always top notch

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  5. Your post makes sense joooo.

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  6. "you have to understand that people will always have something to say and that is your greatest opposition...." This is it for me. Well said, and well written. Cheers.

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  7. If I got 1 Naira for every time some one told me that I am too educated and wont get married cause of that I would be very very very rich. What you wrote is so true.

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