Thursday, 23 May 2013

Have you met these pastors?

Hey Lovelies

Let me know which of these pastors you have been opportuned to meet :)

It's all jokes, don't take me too seriously

1. The paid pastor
This one is your regular pastor that you see in most churches. Usually they lead the branches of well established churches. This is their job and they do not do more than is expected of them. Their sermons are somewhat predictable as they stick to the very safe parts of the bible. They are usually trained pastors.
Their field of expertise, they are well acquainted with the historical background of the bible, they have managerial skills and they are good at following rules and routines.
Greatest distinguishing factor, they have a theological degree, they don't like controversy and are humble.

2.The called and sent
For these ones, this is more than just a job for them. It is more like a passion. They are usually full time pastors and they also devote so much of their time to it. When you listen to the ministration, it always feels like you gained a new insight. They are successful but they are humble. They usually adopt the simple pastor title. They are are more concerned about what bothers their congregation than themselves. Well they may be rich, but they still remember to lead a simple lifestyle and you can easily notice it by just looking. Usually they were already successful in a previous career or had so many potentials of being successful before dedicating their whole time to their pastoral work.
Their field of expertise, guidance and counselling, selfless leaders, great intercessors.
Greatest distinguishing factor - Humility.

3. The celebrity pastor
They are the star and the gospel is just a add on. They are usually very educated. Some of them had to leave a previous profession to embark on this. Do not mistake them with the called and sent. They share a lot of characteristics but they are not the same. The church is more like a business brand and they always work and strategize a lot to make it the number one spot. You know that sort of place where you enter and it looks like it's draped in gold? It is made specially to fit the calibre of people that should be enticed by beauty, art and luxury. You know the kind of church that spends time to acknowledge their prominent members? The well to do in the society? They act like they are in a constant competition. Well I'll tell you that was the reason for the birth of the church in the first place. They obviously were looking for something that will bring more attention and money and establishing a church was their best bet.
Their field of expertise is commissioning/dedicating new properties, ministering at public events, praying for the presidency and other well established members of the society and no wonder they always have an opinion once there is any matter arising. Sometimes you wonder if they are politicians themselves.
Greatest distinguishing factor, their eminent sense of style and titles.

4. The by fire and by force
You know those that blow trumpets around your street? Stop you a million times to preach even when they know you are a christian? The one that would interrupt a party to preach because according to them everything apart from preaching the gospel is vanity. The one that wakes you up in the morning with "repent for the kingdom of God is at hand". Well they are very enthusiastic about what they believe in and they can go all the way. If you happen to live near the location of their church, best believe that there'll be some service going on 5 times a week if not 7. The microphones are always very loud because truthfully, the main audience is not the ones inside the church, they are those trying to catch some sleep in their houses.
They are not restricted to those with churches, you have them positioned inside buses, on the streets, markets most times with their *mobile church.
* A cart that has almost everything they need e.g bibles, bells, oils etc.
Their field of expertise is taking the gospel to the nook and crannies of the society, converting many, informing more people about the need to know God and the word of God, preaching holiness.
Greatest distinguishing factor, they are very strong, relentless, very conversant with bible verses and can talk for long (don't even try to argue any thing with them, if you think they are wrong about something they said, do your own homework.

5. The deliverer
 Once you meet them, something is always happening; it's either your mother is a witch, your mother in law is or you are the witch. They tell you how you are just about to die soon if you are not 'delivered' immediately and you'll just be wondering exactly how you managed to live the past years that you hadn't met them. No they are not doing all the prayers. There's always something for you to do, something that must definitely give you a hard time. They are always very eager to talk about past miracles they performed.
Their field of expertise, prophesying, praying and seeing into the future
Greatest distinguishing factor, they are very strange.

6. The wonder worker
For them, advertisement is key. You find them on your tv screens, yes the big ones. They understand the law of demand and supply, and apply it effectively. They are not poor, they are also very rich. They do preach but  preaching is just a fragment of what they want to showcase, the main features are the signs and wonders.
Their field of expertise ...
Let me leave this one for you to guess.

Love always


  1. Met all 6 pastors. 5 in Nigeria and funny enough I only met the called and sent pastor hear in SA.

    1. Nigeria is the place where you can meet all sorts, my dear

  2. Stiill leaving the Jerry Curl cRew out lol

    1. Lol they are filed under "the celebrity pastor" I think.
      'Eminent Style' brother, that's the clue :)

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