Friday, 8 August 2014

Dear JB: Is it ok to be a second wife?

Dear JB
I want to say thank you for this new opportunity for people to ask personal questions on your blog. I love your blog. You put in a lot of hardwork and it shows. I decided to send you this mail because of the reply you gave to this question ...
My case is a little similar in that the man that wants to marry me is already married.
I just met this man that wants to marry me. What I like most about him is his honesty. He told me straight up that he's already married and I'd be his second wife. I am just a struggling young lady with no parents and he has really helped me a lot. I couldn't refuse his offer because he has been so nice to me. I won't forget the words he said when he asked me to marry him. "Marry me and let me take better care of you" I can never forget those words. He has 2 kids,  a 5 year old and a 3 year old. They really like me but I'm not sure what will happen when I marry their father.

So far, they are always very fond of me when I meet them. Maybe we can grow like that since they are still very young - I mean I grow in the marriage while they grow up.
Their mum seems to be my greatest fear now since we will all be living together. What do you think?


Hi G.
Thank you for the kind words. It is always refreshing to know that you enjoy coming around here.
About your question, I believe it strongly depends on how you take to polygamy. For me as an individual, marriage is  a 'one man, one woman' affair. Anyway, this one really depends on your personal conviction. You have to ask yourself a lot of questions and try to answer them. I hate to say this because I am not the one wearing the shoes and I do not know exactly how hard it may be for you, but I strongly believe you shouldn't make up your mind to marry a man just because you believe he has done you a favour. Other things should be duly considered.
If you were asking if the wife would feel bad about it. Definitely!
Every woman would feel bad about anyone that comes to take/share their man.
Try to find a safe place for your mind and just think, I'm sure you can think up the best answers for this one when you are well relaxed. Forget about the good parts and think about the consequences of your decision as well. At the end of the day, it will be your decision and you'll have to bear the consequences yourself, so Please, choose wisely.
I wish you the very best.

I have not been receiving any interesting mails hence, this feature has not been updated for a while now. Remember to send your mails to

Enjoy your weekend
Love always

Twitter/Instagram: @janylbenyl


  1. It's easy for u to say

    1. And how is that? Last time I checked, I am not happily married. Please, break it down a little for me.

  2. I can't even believe I am reading this kind of letter in this day and age. I have a piece of poetry for you. It is titled The Same Cane. Send a mail to, if you are interested.

    Be wise,

    1. I guess at the end of the day, it is really 'to each their own'

  3. So what you're saying is she should leave such a good man? I hate pretenders. This is the reality for some people.
    Even if you say you won't do it
    Your mum most likely did it, your sister is most likely doing it
    Your best friend is most likely doing it so chill out

    1. Speak for yourself only. Just because you are doing it doesn't mean everyone else is.

  4. I agree with what you said Jb but the issue is that unless someone is convinced on the right thing to do the person would not do it. So unto each his own. I wish her all the best and hope she doesn't regret any action she takes.

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Thanks for your feedback!
I enjoy reading them :)

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